1st day

So it was the first day at my new place and it was awesome! I had blueberry pancakes for breakfast with marble  cheese with my sweetie. We cleaned the house together, then ran a few errands. Later that evening we had lots of company over. Blake brought his guitar and tribal drum. We had a little jam session and sang along to whatever Blake played. Our favorite song seemed to be 10 000 miles, especially the echo part. "Bad-ad-da!"

Most of us a had a few beers or mixed drinks, and laughed a lot too. =)

Overall it was a great evening, and I feel at home!

Moving Day

I've spent my first whole year away from home. I lived with four other girls in a fairly decent sized house. Now I'm on to place number two! How the time flies!
In this new place I'm upgrading to a full sized bedroom, actually having a bathtub, no cat, and in a safe neighborhood. I'm very excited.
... and its also very exciting to know that I'm surprising Ray with an early move in. hehehe!
Its a good thing he's working late - and he has no idea!

Restoration

About a week or so ago, I went for a walk with a close friend. It was early evening and the weather was cool and pleasant. Being very present and in the moment we delighted in the little details of the houses and scenery we passed. We had an interesting chat about the characteristics of a great house vs a not so great one. We discovered that we both like old homes with colour, shape, curves and character. Another detail we enjoyed were the flower gardens. Its not too often that I let myself slow down and unwind enough to take pleasure in such things; but the flowers were well worth it. Honestly, on that evening I felt as though I had never smelt a rose or a lilly. I was captivated, and I was inspired to make perfume!

If I were to put a theme to that first bit of the evening it would be: "Beauty and Peace"

As I rode my bike home, I was meditating upon the idea of beauty. What makes something beautiful? Is beauty something strictly feminine, or a trait of anything/anyone that one may find captivating? 

My train of thought took a detour when I was biking down a certain neighbourhood on the way home. I kept on noticing all of these woman walking down the streets alone. And my gosh it was late outside! I wondered if they felt safe. I wondered why they were walking out alone. I also noticed that some of them seemed to be lingering around dimly lit corners. Then it dawned on me that many of these woman were probably prostititues. 

I felt grieved. I felt like a huge injustice was taking place. Here I was enjoying this lovely evening basking in the beauty around me found in the flowers and scenery, only later to find beauty robbed and tainted. I wanted to help them reclaim that beauty again; and purity. And I wrestled with this thought the rest of the way home. This wouldn't be as easy as giving a woman bus fare (see previous post). Restoring and reclaiming someone's beauty is far more complex and challenging of a task. And who am I to help accomplish such a task?

and why do I have these thoughts? Why does it bother me?

...

For the past few years (or more), and if I put a number to it, probably 4 years or more, I have had this burden for people I perceive as forgotten/hurt/downcast. I don't know where it came from. I feel powerless at times because I feel like there is nothing that I can do. And at other times, I think to myself: "What the hell. None one else seems to be helping so-and-so. Lets do this!" 

And there are times where I wish I could be part of a team of dedicated people who help the forgotten/hurt/downcast. 

I am very excited to say that I have been taking steps to discover different ways to act upon this burden/matter that is placed on my heart and have had some success. I took a course at the church about discovering your spiritual gifts and spoke with people about different ways of serving in the church and out in the community. We came up with ideas like: Serving at the food bank, putting together food hampers and other related avenues. We also came to the conclusing that I would be best suited meeting people's practical needs, and that it would be motivated by compassion. 

I am also pursuing a degree in psychology, and want to explore social work and rehabilitation ...

I hope this all works out.

Untitled

I think I hit a rock. Not rock bottom, but some sort of rock.
Or maybe I reached a dead end. Or some sort of sign that reads: "Do not go past this point."
I realize that I have all the time in the world to achieve and conquer things, but what do I do in the interim?

Now I've reached a scary point in my life so far, where its essential to ask. What do I do?
What kind of life should I start living? Why am I here? I suppose I could answer the "why am I here?" question with some sort of hallmark answer, but I want a real, practical answer-or a few ideas at least.

Reaching this rock also begs the question, who am I? The only way for me to answer this is to be brutally honest. I'll stop myself before I even dare to use a label or category.

I don't have high expectation of life like most people do. I don't feel like society owes me anything. I don't feel as though I should spend my days in complete material and mental confort.
Yet I also don't want to live a unique lifestyle just to be different or feel special.

At this point there are so many fantasy lives that I could pursue. I could abstain from delicious foods in order to be thin and attractive to more people. I could jump on the next money train and chase dollar signs. I could find a new rut to jump into, to distract myself from this big image of what my life could look like.

To be honest. I am broken. I am small. People often forget my name! I am a bit lost, confused, and left wondering.

I hit a rock. That's all I know

Somebody's Baby